Viewer discretion advised. This is mostly a rant and I apologize in advance. But hey, sometimes WSO gets a little dry so we gotta spice this up a bit. Love y'all btw.
Recruiters can lick every inch of my ball$ack. Seriously. Dude hit me up, informs me about another opp, I ask a question to see if it's worth my time, and he dodges it asking for a phone call at a time he chose. Dude had the nerve to follow up 5 times, providing the answer to my question on the 4th.
Titles - This shitbitch had the title "Senior Executive Analyst Director" with 3 months experience. Get off LinkedIn and direct yourself to the nearest cliff immediately.
Idiot graduates fresh from college sharing a post of her busty graduation photo and a lengthy list of people she could thank as if she won an Oscar. More disturbing than the post itself - Hundreds of creepy "happily married" men 40+ congratulating her, some even going so far as to offer her an interview. Get your thirsty self off LinkedIn and get yourself an eHarmony on the low if Tinder Senior Edition didn't cut it.
Sales Account Executives I personally knew doing heavy drugs in College trying to be professional….Bro, you just posted a status on FB about how many milf hoes you pulled while LIT at Naughty Club.
Mfers that add a new skill everyday. My dude, you're up to like 134 skills, work in customer service, but have Financial Modeling listed because you once filled out your taxes.
Question Whores. This includes dummies on here. You ask a question, someone answers it perfectly, but you ask 20 more questions and never end saying thank you. My dude.... shut the hell up, take the advice, try to apply it, and move on. We didn't sign up for a damn 200 question Q&A.
Please feel free to add in your unique experiences. Let's get this list cracking.
Mod Note (Andy): top 50 posts of 2017, this one ranks #7 (based on # of silver bananas)
Comments (154)
I agree, I've found linkedins usefulness to be diminishing. I wish something new would crop up. Or a chrome plugin that basically deletes the homepage haha
^Please California brahs - DISRUPT LinkedIn!
Waiting for whattherock to say something to this haha
Oh god hahahaha
I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.
My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)
"I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.
My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)"
*its *proofreading is one word
I quoted your post just in case you hit that edit button.
What if it was satire all along?
You also forgot *due and *LinkedIn, JuicyJuice.
Also due* in there lmao
lol
*due to
It isn't due to user ignorance, it is due to changing user demographics. It is no longer a group of sophisticated early adopters, it is the natural progression due to dissemination.
Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays
Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
This. Loads of old coots on facebook and LinkedIn nowadays. Heck, my grandma is on facebook - she's 78. My grandpa was on facebook, he was 94 when he passed away.
The cool kids sharing cool content are on IG and Snap now (or Raya, for the cooler kids).
so what's the next big thing in place of LI?
WSO Content & Social Media. Follow us: Linkedin, IG, Facebook, Twitter.
This. Everything starts out well, goes to shit over time. Most of LinkedIn is people looking to meet other people on LinkedIn, people who have largely useless positions that don't add a whole lot of value. Most people of value I've met who are on LinkedIn barely use it now. Even in the last 3 years it's really become useless. It's just like Facebook...nothing much of value happens there anymore.
Agree with #3- this girl that graduated from my college last year wrote some long-ass post basically saying how she's not a loser and was finally able to get a job 9 months after graduation. The post itself was maybe 3 paragraphs, but didn't have any substance besides the fact that she kept getting turned down and someone finally gave her a shot. Probably because she was so annoying that no one wanted to hire her. Nevertheless, it got about 7,000 likes and hundreds of comments from random people saying how "inspiring" it was. Give me a break.
lol when 20-somethings girls post shit.
The two lowest forms of human life are junior high school aged males and females in their 20s.
Array
Been seeing this pop up a lot on my feed too. It's almost always international students passive aggressively bitching about how no one will sponsor them for a job. Surely they knew getting into this that an H1B would be hard to get. The appeals for pity are just obnoxious.
Gimme the loot
.
I was approached on Linkedin with an offer to work for.. Linkedin. I took it as a sign that my profile is on point. Now I'm just waiting for the match who will offer me a job at tinder.
I have a friend who knows a Regional MD at Tinder. I could connect you with her ;).
By Odin's great beard! I'm not worthy..
LinkedIn was never more than just a directory for me to keep track of those with whom I networked. It offers very little usefulness to anyone outside of recruiters, and 99% of those are sharks who are best avoided.
I'm just curious - how do these recruiters make money? And why would a decent F500 company farm out hiring to a 3rd party?
They usually just charge a percentage of base salary, it is farmed out because third party recruiters usually have a much larger network of qualified candidates, F500 companies have in-house teams that do this. Farming out this process doesn't really cost the company any money unless an outside group finds the candidate that the company ends up hiring. In that case, the outside agency found a better candidate than the internal teams could so it is really a win for the company.
Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays
Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
While I've never violated #3 on LinkedIn, I violate in real life every day.
"You blew your nose successfully into the tissue? Stand directly in front of me close enough so I can see down your blouse so I can congratulate you".
Just add another as to how some people's summary of themselves has nothing to do with themselves and instead has become something to sell their junk.
The titles some people use make me want to run into a knife.
Some of my favorites: "Entrepreneur" - aka pyramid scheme pawn "CEO of (insert nonexistent business here)" "Visionary" - are you some type of fucking shaman? Please take me on a vision quest "Motivated Self-Starter" - what does that even mean?
A guy I went to high school with who has a MA from some scam for profit college has the title "MA" after his name on his LinkedIn account. That also makes me want to run into a knife.
"That was basically college for me, just ya know, fuckin' tourin' with Widespread Panic over the USA."
People have a title of Visionary? lol
add "Disruptor" of blank industry to the list
The "Visionary" title is brutal. If you have to call yourself a visionary on Linkedin, I am certain you aren't one.
"Disruptor," "Philosopher," "Connector," "Rule Breaker," "Change Agent," and "Lover of Life" are some other bad ones that I frequently see.
Also, if you work in tech/startups, you get hit up by 5-10 dev outsourcing connections a day. No, I would not like to schedule 15 minutes on Wednesday to see how you can add value or strategically partner with my company.
I may scream if I see the job title of "disrupter" again. You know people use that in their dating profiles now? It's terrible.
Regarding the second one, you may want to stay a bit cautious on that. When we were in college, a couple of friends and I barely had any online presence for our startup (wasn't required, also note the word 'barely'). We made a haul selling the business off. Lost count of the number of people who mistakenly approached our employees thinking they were the owners, or approached my secretary (yes, MY secretary) thinking she was the board member (this happened in Germany - pretty sure it wouldn't have happened in our Texas meetings).
Another example - a top performing hedge-fund that's been occasionally featured in a few journals barely has a website (not even present on LinkedIn), and they have $2 billion in AUM and average 30% annualized returns.
Less talk sometimes (and very rarely too) means more business. Don't learn it the hard way.
SB'd. Fair points well taken, but I'd say on LinkedIn that tends to be the exception rather than the norm.
lol motivated self starter is so 2003
WSO Content & Social Media. Follow us: Linkedin, IG, Facebook, Twitter.
So dot-com
Add "Passionate Learner".
I'm canceling my LinkedIn premium membership this month. It offers little to no value. Now people I went to high school with who have irrelevant MBAs from a directional state school can just find me easier. I thought when Microsoft bought out LinkedIn it'd be of use again, I thought wrong thus far.
"That was basically college for me, just ya know, fuckin' tourin' with Widespread Panic over the USA."
great post, 100% agree
WSO Content & Social Media. Follow us: Linkedin, IG, Facebook, Twitter.
The top bar doesn't even work on my computer anymore, it's just like a huge blue box taking up the top 15% of the screen.
Also I saw a great one the other day where a guy listed, Name, AA, BA, MBA, MA, PHD. All from for profit colleges.
Completely agree with #1. I've turned down interviews/jobs with recruiters before due to a lack of interest on my part (it's like pulling teeth, trying to figure out the company's name/industry to see if it's worth your time!). Recently, I had a recruiter call me at 8:00 AM to reprimand me for "turning down such an amazing opportunity" and how the person in the role was going to one of HSW, so I was really missing out. This was under the guise of "we'll follow up with opportunities in your area of interest."
Also on board with #3. I follow a few companies on LinkedIn, thinking I'll get news about potential acquisitions, job openings, etc. And I will -- once I sift through three dozen likes of "inspiring" stories of "what leaders do before ____" and people being unemployed for months on end and how "this is the most driven [they] have ever been!!!!" and how "[they] get knocked down, but [they] get up again, and [the meanies] are never gonna keep TheM down!!!!" By the time I find an article of interest relevant to the aforementioned companies, it's not even worth it.
Most recruiters I've had the pleasure of working with could learn a thing or two about customer service from used car salesmen.
Array
The best are the ones that reach out to me about "fantastic sales opportunities" as a "Senior Vice President of Executive Account Regional Manager Executive Executive" because they see I am in Real Estate sales and expect that I want to leave that.
Amen to this.
some recruiter just reached out to me about a job at a fucking call center.... I am an analyst in PWM at a top BB and she thought I'd be interested in a job at a fucking call center.. smh
Array
But maybe it's a really preftigious call center? I heard some of those call centers give 1st years carry and have great exit opps.
Can you send her my info? I'll finally be able to put Goldman on my resume...
Something similar happened to me. I was interning at a an M&A firm in NYC and a recruiter reached out to me about a job at a call center / translate center (wtf, right?) in f*cking Malaga since her firm was looking for a dutch-speaking "Sales" guy - I don't speak a word of Dutch.
"Incoming XYZ Analyst" - insert a typically recognizable bank or company
That's right all of you insecure A1 losers fresh out of school or worse yet, summer stinters, talking to you. Throw that MS over.
Fuck out of here with that stupid shit.
-
I forgot to post about it, but I saw a guy back in August/September that had "Incoming Investment Banking Analyst at Citi Bank"
lmao it's worse when they are "Incoming Analyst" at some 10 man shop.
Greatest Titles of all time:
LINKEDIN TOP 1% World's Greatest Futurist Analysis Analyst @ x IT ShopMortgage Loan "Origination Analyst" (lol seriously? You're a community banker you ass hole)
The non stop virtue-signalling articles...
LinkedIn is great!!
I've now become numb to rejection.
Favourites: "Story-teller" "Disruptor" (typically some liberal arts kid that went to one hackathon) "Serial entrepreneur" {read 3 failed ventures} "CFA Level 1 Candidate" "send your email to get x piece of bullocks information"
I'm on linkedin, but I never, ever post anything. I've noticed that when people post anything, it lingers in my feed for weeks before disappearing. I don't need to do that to anyone. However, it is good for networking to some degree, and I do like being able to see when my colleagues have switched jobs.
This. I feel LinkedIn trying to be more like a Facebook type of social media site has damaged its reputation among the professionals slightly. Old-school pros tend to use LinkedIn more for knowing where their past colleagues aare at, instead of sharing inspirational quotes and stuff - like a substitute for a business card + resume.
LinkedIn should understand that in no way are they going to be able to grab the working-class line worker segment (like Facebook is doing) - they're only going to capture the top 10% wealth group. But if MSFT could translate that demographic well and provide tools for effective collaboration, I don't see why LinkedIn could not be great again. Certification of users is a great way to start off, for instance.
I want to punch the people who post "inspirational" stories about leaving their old jobs (usually along with some kind of Oscars thank you speech at the end).
-Huckster recruiters that you entertain with a conversation, who promptly forget the substance of your conversation and come around again a few months later like "Hi nice to meet you, I have this [same opportunity I already turned down]"
-Huckster recruiters that can't be bothered to proofread the mass mail they send out. You'd think the extra 30 seconds would be worth it to look professional, no?
-Huckster recruiters that graduated in my college class (read: early twenties) with "executive recruiter @ [insert shop here]...glad I'm getting the white glove treatment!
-Huckster recruiters that somehow get your personal phone number and bypass the LinkedIn pleasantries (this happened to a colleague - scary because his number doesn't go on his resume and it can't be found through google)
-Huckster recruiters that can't take no for an answer
-Huckster recruiters that want to dance around the fact that the company they're trying to entice me to leave for is demonstrably worse than the one I'm at.
-Huckster recruiters that say "You'll have to take a pay cut at first but it'll get much better after the first year!" - give me a break, I'm going from 1st rate shop and 1st rate pay to 2nd rate shop AND 2nd rate pay? That's not how it works.
Array
-huckster recruiters that somehow get your work phone number, and do the same thing. That was scary!
That's happened to me, as well. Recruiters have large networks and will ask someone they know from your current company for your number.
That actually doesn't surprise me. Your firm probably has a front desk dude, and it's pretty easy to call it and say "hey can you connect me to X"
Array
You always have those who literally writes a fkn BOOK in their profile. They put all kinds of achievements, awards, work experiences, certificates -- usually not impressive and clearly looks like fillers. And for me to even look at what school they graduated from, I have to scroll down for like 5 minutes. Jesus Christ.
And it turns out to be a no name school in Fucksville.
+1! Second half of #3 had me rolling... :)
I didn't read this thread but
IT NOW HAS BIRTHDAY notifications, WTF!
Recently saw somebody posted "Thanks for the birthday wishes."
facepalm.
Had to google if there was a "Tinder Senior Edition" GOLD
What's just a level above the stuff being discussed on this thread? Aspiring finance kids who put in their real name and LinkedIn profiles on this site. I mean, I could destroy nearly everybody's LinkedIn resumes, and I'm pretty sure every experienced member on this site has done so too mentally.
One of the perks of this site is staying anonymous so that your boss doesn't find out that you're bitching about him, or that you can discuss how your VP caught you while you jerked off to porn. If you want to apply to jobs on the Job Board, don't worry, Patrick's guaranteed that your details are pretty much secure, so stick to that alone.
Show an affinity towards finance in person. Not by actively showing that your life revolved around finance since middle school, on an online forum that's turning into some newspaper tabloid+opinions section.
At my undergrad school, we see this often with clubs and organizations, even networking events.
"Did you see us on LinkedIn? Facebook? Twitter? Instagram?"
"add our group on Snapchat"
I replied saying I had no idea what a Twitter is, or Instagram. The only reason I got Snapchat was because some hot girl wanted to stay connected on it.
I just recently restarted on LinkedIn. I hated getting added on by creepy people I never met, or getting messages from people about breaking into my company.
Yeah, the only time I go on LinkedIn is to check what frat my summer analysts were in so I can decide whether or not to give them return offers. DKE, hired. SAE, hired. Sig Ep? Fuck out of my office.
Out of here with that Balanced Man BS
Never thought I'd find a funny frat in-joke on WSO. Was proved significantly wrong
This is gold.
I am permanently behind on PMs, it's not personal.
What about the GDIs
250 man kappa sig chapter?
Were you in a sorority?
So that $26.2 billion dollars splashed by Microsoft on LinkedIn went in the drain? I think the expert section of it still does well. (I am talking about so-called 'Influencers': Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, etc
Qatalyst FTW!
When exactly was LinkedIn good?
lol hilariously accurate. I find myself more often on Linkedin than Facebook but for the reasons why I used to be on facebook.
Hence you're a "wannabe consultant" and not an "actual consultant".
Jim, from sales, MBA, CPA hopeful.
Get a Chrome app that lets you pull emails directly from someone's Linkedin page, which will make the site somewhat useful. Other than that, LinkedIn is garbage. They really need to consider censoring certain types of posts.
Contactout guys.
Top 10 jackasses on LinkedIn:
10 Anyone with L.I.O.N. after their name. 9 Salespeople from obscure tech & manufacturing companies cold messaging you about how whatever product they're shilling will change your life. 8 People who upvote everything their boss posts. 7 People who have 200 skills, 15 job positions, and over 9000 certifications before they've graduated college. 6 Entrepreneurs whose entrepreneurial achievements consist of writing inspirational entrepreneurial articles (and are too dumb to make their own blog, where they can at least generate ad revenue.) 5 ANY recruiters. 4 Women who post clearly provocative and unprofessional pictures to grab attention and get interviews. 3 Sham title abusers (CEO, MBA, PhD, Visionary, His Excellency, AVN Newbie of the year, etc.) 2 "Incoming Participant in Goldman Sach's Diversity Networking Event" 1 People
Bonus: under Education, CFA Level I completed, majoring in Capital Markets, minor in Trading
I like when the people who cold call for the high interest loans refer to themselves as bankers, and then post the picture of the Lambo with the license plate "dropout" next to the prius with the Harvard bumper sticker #selfmade
Screw all that. Can we add another bullet for all the "inspiring" motivational speaker crap that people post constantly on LinkedIN? Judging from my feed the only thing wrong with the world is that not enough people are following their dreams and failure just mean so you're actually succeeding.
Correlation between level of narcissism and frequency of profile pic changes.
Been tempted to say hi to a few serious hotties that are 2nd connections but then I realised that may be inappropriate.
.
I've heard almost every office in AXA has a Wharton executive management certificate hanging on the wall
top 3 were best. good post.
.
Just un-follow all the people, and follow only the companies.
.
LinkedIn is a glorified excel sheet/phone book to track your "networking" efforts, at best.
I agree the median post is utter shit lately. The best are the motivational picture posts.
Gotta love those obnoxious, unprofessional recruiters. Message you or call you out of the blue to interrogate you about your salary....come on, man. Email me with this stuff if you've got something.
Then, they might not even share the salary of the opportunity they are bringing to you lol
scum of the earth.
For number 4.
If they keep it off of LinkedIn, it's understandable. Work hard play hard, as long as they act professional on LinkedIn, I don't care for their personal lives.
Just today - Saw someone post about how he doesn't have time for lunch. Yet you had time to write up the story and post it to linkedin around lunchtime.
>Implying Linkedin was ever good
i did not use this network
i prefer facebook
This thread is hilarious
Anytime a semi-attractive female has a profile , it is loaded with testimonials from dudes about how hard working and what great skills they have.
The endorsements for women are always like 50x normal for even the most basic position. Comical
Probably because they ask nicely for them. And they are chicks, so when chicks ask nicely, you do things.
"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
^^^ guy who has written said endorsements
lol no dude. They don't have to ask.
Why the FUCK are people sharing personal photos of their wives/girlfriends/family/vacations on LINKEDIN now? Ask yourself: "Is what I'm sharing helping people, professionally?"
Also pretty tilted at the recruiters who insist on having a phone call directly at 5PM as if that's when I magically free up and all seniors have left the office. I appreciate the service they provide, and a lot of them are immensely helpful, but I just don't understand why they insist on phone calls 24/7 and can't simply provide some basic info on the opportunity beforehand so I can decide if this conversation is worth me hiding under a desk to field their call for.
LinkedIn has gone to crap and turned itself into Facebook with posts such as "Please keep this professional...inserts conversation screenshot"
Or someone who posts and or replies to number puzzles or questions such as "What comes after 25, 698, 12, 2, __?"
There are many more examples but the funniest comment I heard about LinkedIn is that, "Its eHarmony for the unemployed."
This is what I don't get about the "incoming X" crowd: LinkedIn lets you put the start date of a new position in the future, so why not just do that instead of saying you're an "incoming" whatever? Also, if your title is "summer analyst" and you post it in March, I don't think anyone will get confused about the fact that you have the offer, and are starting in June. I at least hope these people change their title to "Outgoing X" in their last few weeks.
I hate the long posts about someone's journey/struggle to get where they are at . . . no one cares
How about those people who, instead of listing their job title and company in their headline, list some eclectic and ambiguous group of sector interests and personality traits?
Example: Strategy-Dynamic-Real Estate-Innovation
The Academy Award statement every time some insecure person graduates/changes jobs/gets accepted into business school/etc. really kills me. And I don't trust any of these recruiters and refuse their invitations to connect.
This very well could have been said already but didn't catch it at first glance
"Extern" - job shadowing for an afternoon is not work experience
"Incoming Summer Analyst" - we get it, you want to let everyone know that you will be interning at bank XXX
I wrote an article the other day on LnKD aout cost segregation. Also my "n" & "comes after A" keys are roken currently due to alcohol spillage. So you know it's fucked.
Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.
https://arthuxtable.com/Consequatur itaque est sint sit ex. Vel est consequatur earum maxime aspernatur consectetur molestiae. Blanditiis et sit dolore. Sed est consequatur praesentium temporibus rerum ad tenetur dolor. Dolorem quia cupiditate quibusdam nulla ut. Sunt molestias voluptatem qui praesentium.
Facere minus voluptatum qui autem et eaque. Mollitia quaerat rerum accusamus aut ea molestiae. Esse quo porro rerum et. Alias est ipsam et quia nulla quasi aut. Quae vel enim blanditiis rem quia cum nisi sapiente.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Aliquid et ipsa ut accusantium dicta. Consectetur nisi ut itaque dolor molestiae. Fuga alias id molestiae qui incidunt. Sit minima incidunt iure facere. Quo eaque cum nihil aut ducimus aut aperiam.
Minima voluptatem dolor veritatis. Odio quidem autem neque maxime officia enim. Dolor et qui enim aut.
Quam accusantium adipisci nostrum eligendi sunt. Voluptas iure beatae id corporis et. Voluptatibus iste omnis eum. Perferendis labore voluptates harum quisquam. Et asperiores sapiente dolorum porro et fuga molestias. Voluptatum saepe qui sint inventore et asperiores.
In quo ut dignissimos maxime. Quibusdam voluptatem necessitatibus voluptatibus aspernatur accusamus rem. Modi ad asperiores non nobis dolor beatae at. Dolores sit quo cumque eos sit dignissimos eveniet.
Illo eum voluptas illum quia repellendus. Est saepe ratione omnis quis omnis laboriosam. Debitis corporis dolore quo voluptatem. Soluta illo dolore porro dolor sit temporibus illum.
Array
Iure mollitia ducimus aperiam velit temporibus. Autem voluptatem nulla quae voluptatem quo totam earum. Occaecati iste eaque nisi tenetur at. Iusto consectetur voluptas qui doloremque aut ipsa.
Debitis vero incidunt necessitatibus sunt minus vitae. Sed voluptatum quis quasi ipsam est molestiae id. Ipsa culpa ipsam consequatur voluptatem tenetur tempore.
Beatae ut provident distinctio et pariatur aliquid iure. Ut deleniti temporibus incidunt deleniti. Adipisci distinctio fugit veniam autem. Doloribus quia quis et. Quae ipsa est qui ab amet quos ipsam ut.
Temporibus ipsam sit eveniet voluptatem. Voluptas blanditiis aut magni dolorem incidunt reprehenderit necessitatibus nobis. Et optio optio quis eum quam qui sed.
Quam facere molestias quam voluptas. Quis quas quia magnam ex porro doloribus minus dolor. Quam exercitationem deserunt neque quis distinctio. Et nihil et consequatur temporibus ea. Nesciunt laborum tempore eum excepturi et assumenda repudiandae porro. Quidem asperiores voluptatem nihil aut quae.
Omnis aspernatur fuga magni debitis deleniti quasi. Voluptatem et soluta optio rem. Quibusdam ut alias dolorem culpa accusantium in magni corrupti.
Aut commodi consequatur eum sed ex facere. Accusantium nulla itaque veritatis assumenda.
Numquam sint aut quos et et suscipit iusto. Esse deleniti qui distinctio consectetur quia eum. Recusandae similique placeat qui quidem non assumenda id.
Eos illum quis quaerat unde quisquam dolor dolore. In et nulla est enim eos ullam commodi odio. Vel tempore odio possimus.
Quisquam totam possimus molestiae consequuntur cum. Quibusdam molestias dolorem tempora est eius aut sint. Itaque a rerum enim praesentium. Perferendis nobis in a quis non quia. Temporibus voluptatem rem neque numquam. Iusto animi incidunt veniam in sed ratione provident. Consectetur dolor vel qui et animi.
Ad fuga labore sint asperiores. Id modi possimus perspiciatis ea hic. Quam quo quia provident numquam voluptate. Nulla aut sunt quod est. Ipsa aut dignissimos error. Voluptas deserunt tempore earum ipsa et accusantium earum. Est et modi sit.